A Man's Search for Meaning


If you have a man in your life, there are two things that you need to know. 

If you are a man, you already know them but hopefully will feel understood.

  1. He is not as he appears. 

  2. He has been in constant search of something his whole life, yet has never found what he is seeking.

Let’s walk through each. 

He is not as he appears. 

Yes, he can seem shut off at times.  Yes, he can seem to have the emotional intelligence of a 3-year-old at times, but these are just a cover to a book that is much deeper, much more nuanced, has many many chapters.   It’s a confusing book inside of this cover.  Growing up as a male in the current masculine culture isn’t as easy as some would make it out to be.  Especially if you have any sort of sensitive nature to you.

I certainly understand that much of our society's problems, much of the violence, the abuse of women, and the general oppression of groups of people have been done under the umbrella of the male species. 

It’s an interesting thing that society has created this masculine culture yet at the same time is the one that immediately turns around and judges the results of this masculine culture.

It’s important to know that these men don’t just end up overly aggressive, emotional despondent, depressed, overly sexual, and alone.

Where ever there is an effect there must be a cause. 

So what’s the cause? 

The cause is in the fact that men are simply never taught, never shown, and never believed in at an early age that they are enough. 

As in you are enough because you are here. 

As in you are enough without having to DO or BE anything.  

This is the core wound they carry with them through their life.

James Hollis, a brilliant Jungian Psychotherapist says it well,

"When men feel the wound that cannot heal, they either bury themselves in a woman’s arms and ask her for healing, which she cannot provide, or they hide themselves in macho pride and enforced loneliness” 

This is the core wound of every man walking this earth right now. You are taught at a very early age as a man, that it’s important to do one thing.  Win. Leave the imagination, the caregiving, and the sensitive nature of yourself to the side and go out and win at something.  It doesn’t matter what you chose, it’s most likely going to be chosen for you anyways. Because here is the trick with this masculine wound.  

This is a generational wound. This is a wound that has been passed down from generation to generation. Some of the side effects of this wounding has been the alcoholic grandfather. Some has been the overly successful grandfather but was not there for his children. 

But this is the cover, not what is inside of the book.  What is inside of the book is a man who has a wound.  A man that has a limp but finds a way to walk with it. Very few men wake up in the morning without the need to prove themselves. 

It is this that leads to the second thing you need to know about the man in your life.

He has been in constant search of something his whole life, yet has never found what he is seeking.

Because of this wounding, he has been on a constant quest to find enough, though not knowing that this is what he was seeking. 

He seeks it in success. Success is men’s invisible quest outside for something that can only be found inside. It is not that men don’t want to do inner work, it is that men don’t even consider it. The quest is outside. 

Why would he ever look within? 

Performing shows up in different ways, but mostly it comes down to two things, at least in our culture. 

Sex & Money. 

Look at any Men’s Health Magazine over the last decade, or hell any male magazine for the last 100 years. It’s about looking good and being successful. Be successful so you can have sex. Sex and money are so interwoven they are always tied together like a pretzel. 

It’s hard to tell where one starts and one ends. And so they are always interlinked. 

Growing up in school this tie starts early.  Popularity = sex. If you can be popular you can get any girl you want. If you can be successful in sports you can get any girl you want. Then you go to college, then it’s about WHAT you are going to do with your life.  It’s about having a bright future.  That’s what will bring success and sex. 

Then you go out in the real world, and now it’s about Money.  Cash money, because the more money you have the more successful you are the more sex you will have. It sounds absurdly simple, but it is simply because this is ENGRAINED in men. 

So I say all this to say that it’s important to know that men are meaning-making creatures. They’ve just been taught the wrong place to look for it, and if you want to help any man in your life, then know there is more than meets the eye, and know that at the end of the day he is on a quest, and has been on a quest his entire life searching for something but not finding it.

If he’s weary, if he’s shut off, or if he is seemingly having a hard time, it is most likely because he has searched for so long and still hasn’t found what he is looking for. He need only realize that it is not his fault, he has been sold a bag of goods by a culture that both lies to him and also punishes him for believing and living his life from this lie. 

Men, like myself when I was in the throws of my personal breakdown and am still healing from, need GRACE.  They need FORGIVENESS, GRACE & most of all to know that they are not what they do, or how well they perform. 

Peace & Love 

Jake

It wasn’t a group of females that decided to conquer a new land and make the inhbadants to this new world slaves. 

It wasn’t a group of females that decided to band together and 

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